


First

by Laramie



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:40:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22057930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laramie/pseuds/Laramie
Summary: Aaron overhears Robert practicing to say he loves someone.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 7
Kudos: 123





	First

**Author's Note:**

  * For [softlyspoken](https://archiveofourown.org/users/softlyspoken/gifts).



> This one is dedicated to littlelooneyluna. Congrats on your 200th fic for this pair of fools.
> 
> For this fic, the boys are in year 11, aged 17. The idea of a teen Robert practicing saying "I love you" to his best friend Aaron literally just popped randomly into my head a few days ago and I talked about it a bit with raelee and it surprisingly quickly turned into this. Title suggestions gratefully received.
> 
> Discussion of Gordon and that mess, brief mention of a violent impulse.

"Aaron," Robert began confidently. "I love you. I'm _in_ love with you. God, no, that's too much. Um. Aaron, I have feelings for you. You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen and -" Robert lifted his head and stared at himself in the mirror that was above the sink he was leaning over, taking in his unwashed blonde hair and the anguished expression currently on his face. "Who are you kidding?" he demanded of himself. "If he liked you back, he'd have _said._ " He believed this wholeheartedly, even though Aaron had not confided in him about any other crushes he might have had.

Truthfully, Robert didn't think that there had been any. He had put a possibly embarrassing amount of thought and effort over the years into the type of people Aaron might be into and whether any of them might be the male type. He still blushed when he remembered all the times he had nudged Aaron and pointed someone out, saying, "She's pretty, isn't she?" or "Harry's a lot better looking since he got glasses, don't you think?" until Aaron had joked that he was a 'man-slag' enough times for Robert to realise that he sort of meant it and thought that Robert was really attracted to all those people, possibly that he had slept with some of them. He wasn't, and hadn't. He hadn't even got any useful answers out of Aaron in his questions; he just shrugged. Not the one that meant 'I have an answer but I'm not making it that easy for you,' the inscrutable one, that Robert never could make sense of. In fairness, Robert had never technically come out to Aaron as bisexual, but that particular period of year 9 had made it rather unnecessary.

He had been attracted to Aaron ever since the other lad had transferred schools due to moving in with his mum in year 9. He had been drawn to Aaron since the first time they had spoken. Within a week, they were pretty much best friends, and within a month, Robert was helplessly, irrevocably and utterly in love with him. Aaron was grumpy and volatile and _fun_ , he was constantly getting himself excluded or put in isolation for his temper, and every so often he would slide into black moods that left him practically mute for days at a time. Robert had learned that the fewer questions he asked in these episodes, the less angry Aaron got with him, so they would spend hours watching _Die Hard_ and _Fast and Furious_ films while Robert did both of their homework and sometimes managed to prod him into eating. Robert also stayed over when his dad got too unbearable, like the time he had caught Robert kissing a boy in his bedroom the summer before last, which Robert still didn't like to think about too much.

What it all boiled down to was that Robert had been in love with his best friend for two years - a whole lifetime - and yet still had no idea if there was any hope for his feelings ever being returned. Sometimes he thought Aaron just didn't have a sex drive at all - Robert's other mates would talk about sex, either having it or wanting it, but Aaron... Aaron just _didn't_.

Robert sighed and closed his eyes, alone in his bathroom. He pictured Aaron's face in front of him. "I'll just have to say it... I need to tell you that I have feelings for you," he said aloud, trying to imagine Aaron's reaction to it. He squeezed his eyes shut even tighter, but the Aaron in his head didn't move from his default scowl. He sighed again and gave up, pulling off his underpants so that he could do what he had come in here for in the first place and have a shower.

Only to just about jump out of his skin when there was a knock on the door and Aaron's voice calling, "Robert?"

Shit. How much had he heard? "I'm having a shower," he called back.

"Alright," Aaron said. He went quiet; Robert could only assume he had gone back to Robert's room to wait until he was ready to go to the football match, like they had planned. He tried very hard not to imagine that Aaron was picturing him naked.

\--

Robert spent his shower worrying that Aaron might have heard what he had said. Maybe it was time, though. Robert had liked him for such a long time, and even if Aaron didn't like him back in the same way, it felt strange and unnatural that Aaron didn't know. It wasn't the way of things.

 _I'll tell him today_ , he decided, keeping his thoughts silent this time.

When he went back to his bedroom, fully clothed now, he saw that Aaron was slumped into Robert's ancient armchair which he mostly used for gaming. He was frowning, which was normal, but he wasn't doing anything on his phone, which was not. There was something... off about him.

"You alright?" Robert asked while he dug through his drawer for a pair of socks. He came up with the joke ones that Aaron had bought him last Christmas, which were deliberately mismatched: on his left foot, he now sported a blue sock with yellow rubber duckies on, and on his right, a red sock with green dinosaurs on. He turned to look at Aaron once he was done, because he hadn't said anything; Aaron was looking at Robert's feet.

"I heard what you said, in the bathroom," Aaron said slowly.

Robert's heart immediately lodged itself just underneath his larynx. "Oh," he managed, faintly. Aaron looked... upset? He had heard Robert saying he loved him and now he looked upset.

"You didn't even tell me you were with someone." Aaron sounded disappointed.

It took a moment for Robert to process what he had said. "With someone? I'm not with anyone."

Aaron's face screwed up in confusion and hurt. "Why are you lying to me? You were trying to tell someone you -" Aaron broke off, evidently too uncomfortable with the words to even say it.

 _Just tell him,_ Robert thought. _Just tell him_. "I was, um - It's - Well, I was talking about - about you."

Aaron opened his mouth and did a funny sort of rapid blinking.

Robert pressed on. "I'm, um -" _kind of completely_ **_gone_ ** _for you._ "I like you, a lot. Always have, really."

"As a friend?" Aaron asked uncertainty.

"No - well, yes, that too - but also in a boyfriend way. In a 'I love you' way."

There were tears welling up in Aaron's eyes, and Robert couldn't figure out why.

"Shit, sorry." He knelt down next to Aaron, putting a reassuring hand on his knee. "I've upset you."

"No," Aaron protested, shaking his head and wiping his eyes on his sleeve. "No, you haven't. The opposite." Aaron met his eyes, and they got stuck gazing at each other. "Me too."

"What?"

Aaron grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him in to demonstrate exactly what he meant.

\--

It had been a month, a whole glorious month, and Robert thought he might just be the happiest he had ever been. Aaron's mum knew they were together, but Robert's dad had yet to find out. If Robert had his way, he never would, but he would get kicked out for Aaron if it came to it, no contest. He still hadn't quite got round to asking what Aaron's orientation was - whenever they were alone, there always seemed to be more fun things to be doing with his mouth - but he wanted to be with Robert, and that was the most important thing.

They were even planning to have sex. That very weekend, Aaron's mum was going away for the night with Paddy, her boyfriend, so Robert was going over to Aaron's.

"I got us some condoms," he said proudly, when they were alone in Aaron's bedroom with the door shut. He pulled out a couple of the loose packets that he had shoved into his jacket pocket and dropped them onto the bed. He had bunked off school early on Friday so he could go to the big supermarket in town to get them.

"And I got..." Aaron dived into the mess at the bottom of his wardrobe and came out with a bottle of lube with a pump top, which he put on the bed next to Robert's contribution.

Robert's eyes widened. "Oh shit, good thinking. When did you get that?"

Aaron shrugged. "Internet."

"Oh..." Robert's face fell slightly. "I just realised..."

"What?" Aaron asked, sitting back next to him.

"Well, neither of us have had sex before so we're not going to have anything, and neither of us are going to get pregnant. So we actually don't really need condoms, do we?"

Aaron suddenly wasn't looking at him. "Oh, I dunno... Maybe condoms are a good idea."

Robert frowned. "But, we're both virgins..." he said slowly.

Aaron bit his lip.

"Aren't we?"

Aaron met his eyes quickly before looking away again. "Um, yeah, course." Their gazes met again, and caught. Robert's brain was whirring. Was Aaron not a virgin? He had confirmed Robert's suspicion in the last month that he had not been with anyone before, and Robert just couldn't process the idea that might not have been telling the truth - he could barely believe that Aaron might have had sex before without telling him. Something like that... Robert should know, surely?

And yet Aaron looked so uncomfortable.

"Alright," Robert said at last. "If you're going to tell me we need a condom, I won't ask any questions."

Aaron chewed on his lip for a bit longer and then - he nodded.

Obviously, Robert immediately wanted to ask questions, but he had said he wouldn't, so he just said: "Okay. Thanks for telling me." Finally, he thought. When had it been? Why hadn't Aaron ever _told_ him? He couldn't help but feel hurt by it.

He put that aside for the moment, though. Aaron was looking at him like he expected to be yelled at, and Robert couldn't betray his trust like that. "So, what do you think about, um... Could I top?"

"Yeah, sure, I s'pose," agreed Aaron.

It seemed vague, even for him. "You suppose?" Robert echoed.

"Yeah," Aaron whispered, and then he was close again, and they were kissing and Robert's brain just pretty much _stopped_ at the influx of sensation. He hardly registered Aaron taking his t-shirt off him, but definitely noticed when he pulled away to look at him.

"You okay?" Robert asked, because Aaron was frowning as he reached for the fly of Robert's jeans.

Aaron nodded mutely, his lips tightly together.

"Are you sure?" he pressed, even as he lifted his bottom for Aaron to pull his trousers off.

"Yeah." Aaron voice was gruff. "Let's just - do it, just get it over with."

"Get it _over_ with?" Robert repeated, catching Aaron's wrist as he reached out to touch Robert's thigh. "Aaron, I really don't feel like you're into this."

"Sorry, yeah, it's fine," Aaron said roughly, pressing forwards. He wouldn't meet Robert's gaze.

Robert felt a worried sickness in the bottom of his stomach. "Seriously, Aaron, it's only fun if you want to do it too."

"Yeah, whatever," Aaron said distractedly, and he sniffed, and there were fucking _tears_ in his eyes.

"Aaron, stop -"

"It's alright -"

"Aaron, _I don't want to do this_ ," Robert said loudly, and finally Aaron froze, the scared but determined look on his face shifting to a startled fear.

"God, shit," Aaron muttered, hiding his face in his hands. "Sorry. Sorry, I ruined - I fucking - I wanted to make it good for you I'm sorry I ruined I'm sorry -"

Robert wrapped his arms around Aaron and held him close against his chest. "Aaron... You haven't ruined anything." He rubbed Aaron's back soothingly until the other boy stopped crying.

"Sorry," Aaron said again as he pulled away, rubbing at his face with the sleeves of his shirt.

"I know I said I wouldn't ask any questions," Robert began. "But I think I sort of have to now... Aaron, why do we need condoms?"

Aaron swallowed, and wiped his eyes again. He was breathing quickly and Robert wasn't sure he would answer.

But when he did, it was one of the worst things Robert had ever heard.

"My dad."

\--

Robert had been about ready to storm over to Gordon's house and slit the evil bastard's fucking throat, but Aaron had begged him not to make a big thing of it with such a frightened look on his face that Robert had forced himself to control his temper, to box up the anger he felt at anyone daring to hurt Aaron until a better moment, when he might have time to plan a way to decimate his life without causing Aaron any more hurt.

He had told Aaron over and over that they didn't have to carry on, or that if he really did want to have sex, they could do "literally anything else."

But Aaron's response had been: "I don't want him having any say over what I do with you. He doesn't have any place with us. I want to _erase_ him."

So that was why Robert had let himself give in to his desire for Aaron, and they had stripped each other naked and were lying side-by-side on Aaron's bed, snogging like they'd invented it. Robert thought that kissing Aaron might be his favourite thing in the world. He smiled into the kiss as he moved over Aaron, letting their chests press together.

"No -" Aaron was saying suddenly, and pushing at him.

Robert rolled off at once and stroked one hand reassuringly over Aaron's ribs. "Not good?" he asked.

Aaron struggled to put words to it, glaring up at the ceiling, before managing: "Trapped."

"That's okay," Robert said gently. He kissed Aaron's neck for a while, before suggesting: "What if you lie on your side, and I go behind you?"

Aaron considered it, then gave a tiny smile. "Yeah."

"Yeah?" Robert grabbed for a condom and managed to get it open even though his hands were shaking. He tried to put it on the wrong way round at first, and had to get a new one. Aaron watched as Robert picked up the lube and pumped some into his hand, spreading it over his dick. "D'you think that's enough?" he asked uncertainly.

"I dunno," said Aaron. "Maybe do a bit more." He turned away from Robert and waited. "We'll be fine," he said clearly.

"Yeah," agreed Robert. "Promise you'll tell me if it hurts or if you want to stop?"

"Promise."

It took them a little bit to get the hang of things, to realise that Robert should finger Aaron open first, to find a way for Robert to hold Aaron's hip without him getting panicky. All the same, it wasn't long until they were really doing it, and Robert felt trembly and ecstatic and tearful all at once as he thrust into his boyfriend, his best friend.

"Robert?" Aaron said anxiously.

Robert looked down his body and saw that Aaron had gone soft. "I'm here," he said.

Aaron was still tugging at himself. "Talk to me," he said in a small voice.

"Umm... I've got ya, Aaron. I've got you and you're safe and you feel so fucking good -" and he was getting hard again - "and I love doin' this with you -" He kept on murmuring nonsense reassurance into the back of Aaron's neck until they were both gasping with it, and Robert was watching Aaron come onto his own bedsheets, spurring him on to come inside Aaron too.

They lay, panting, until Robert carefully pulled out and stripped off the condom. Aaron leaned down to grab his duvet and pull it up over them both as Robert moved in for a cuddle.

"You feeling okay?" Robert worried.

"Yeah," Aaron said. "Is it usually that fast, d'you think?"

"I think people take longer if they do it more," Robert said.

A cheeky little smirk pulled at the corners of Aaron's mouth, making Robert feel sure that he really was fine. "S'pose we'll just have to practice a bit, then," he said.

And Robert beamed back at him.

**Author's Note:**

> Really hope you all liked this one, and congrats again luna :)


End file.
